Looking back at the engagement to Fighter Pilot Dude, I sometimes wonder if he believes he was trapped into proposing.
And maybe, in his version of the story, he was.
But let’s talk about what was actually happening.
We were doing the long-distance thing. I was in Florida. He was in Nevada doing Fighter Pilot Dude things. And he kept telling me I should move to Nevada to be with him.
Not visit.
Not spend a couple of weeks there.
Move.
As in leave my job. Leave my home. Pack up everything I owned. Uproot my two daughters. Move them across the country. Change schools. Change our entire lives.
You know…just a tiny little relocation.
And his proposal—before the actual proposal—was basically that we should do all of that so we could be together.
There was just one teeny-tiny problem.
There was no commitment.
And I wasn’t doing it.
We had this conversation approximately a gazillion times.
He wanted me in Nevada. (Because then, he could keep an eye on me – and possibly control my actions. Mmmm-ok.🙄)
I kept telling him I wasn’t uprooting my entire life—and more importantly, my daughters’ lives—to go play house with a man who hadn’t made any commitment to me.
I wasn’t asking him to move.
I wasn’t asking him to leave his career.
I wasn’t asking him to pack up his children and relocate them across the country.
He was asking that of me.
And I wasn’t willing to gamble everything I’d established on “let’s see how this goes.”
Nope.
Dating long-distance? Fine.
Flying back and forth? Fine.
Cute little weekends together? Fine.
But loading my furniture and my children into a moving truck and heading west because my boyfriend thought it would be nice if we lived together?
Sir.
That required a little more than closet space.
So yes, I absolutely told him I wasn’t moving without a commitment.
Did that make him feel trapped?
Maybe.
I can’t tell you what was going on in his head. I can only tell you what was happening in mine.
I wasn’t saying:
“Marry me or else.”
I was saying:
“I’m not dismantling my life without knowing we’re actually building one together.”
Those are two very different things.
And ultimately, Fighter Pilot Dude made a decision.
He proposed.
I said yes.
And from my perspective, that meant we had both decided what came next. We were getting married. My girls and I would move to Nevada. We’d combine our lives and become a family.
That’s why I was willing to make that move.
I wasn’t following some boyfriend across the country hoping things worked out.
I was moving to be with my fiancé.
Big difference.
Of course, knowing what I know now, I sometimes look back and wonder whether we were standing at Lake Tahoe that day experiencing two completely different engagements.
I thought:
We’re building a life together.
Maybe he thought:
Well…she won’t move here otherwise.
And if that’s true?
That would’ve been some pretty important information to have before I started packing. 🧳
Until next time…xoxo
Tracy
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