The last Fighter Pilot post had me spiraling down the rabbit hole once again. We hadn’t had communication for 2+ months (over the holidays) and then he emailed me….. and, here we go again.
I’m not sure why I wanted to go down that hole again. I was starting to feel good about things again. I had taken myself to therapy, went to the gym every day and was putting in the work on myself. Yet, here I was….trying to make a long distance relationship work. I can think of all sorts of reasons why I shouldn’t have gotten back into this relationship since it’s been more than 10 years but at that time, in that moment, I was so excited that he wanted to be with me. That’s where my headspace was at the time. He had come around and realized that I was the one he truly loved. Even during that 4+ hour telephone conversation he was telling me what I did to make him act the way he did. Basically putting everything on me. Remember – I went out with my friends and didn’t tell him exactly where I was at every minute of the night. Meanwhile, he could go out with all of his FP buddies and I just had to deal with it. I had to trust him but he could not do the same for me. I remember thinking in my head “I didn’t do anything and in time he will see how ridiculous he was/is being”. But, none of that mattered as we were both committed to making this work….well, one of us was anyway. Let the emotional and mental abuse commence/continue….
Until next time…xoxo
Tracy
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