I’ve been talking almost daily to one of my best friends who just retired from the military.
Fun fact: I was actually one of her first supervisors.
Which means I knew her when retirement was approximately 47,000 taskers, 13 commanders and several nervous breakdowns away.
Now she’s officially retired.
And she said something to me the other day that almost sounded like a confession:
“I don’t miss it.”
Not even a little.
She said she thought she would wonder how everyone in her office was doing. She thought she’d be thinking about what was happening at work. What crisis they were dealing with. Whether everything was getting done.
Nope.
Nothing.
And she asked me:
“Is that weird?”
Well, if it is, then scoot over, sister, because apparently we’re both weird.
Because I don’t miss it either.
I served an entire career in the Air Force.
And if you walked into my house today without knowing anything about me, you would have absolutely NO IDEA I was ever in the military.
Nothing.
There isn’t a military shrine.
No shadow box prominently displayed.
No wall of awards.
No framed retirement certificate announcing that I successfully survived decades of meetings that should have been emails.
My military career was an enormous part of my life.
But it isn’t my entire identity.
And I think sometimes veterans feel guilty admitting that.
We’re supposed to retire and immediately miss the camaraderie.
The mission.
The people.
The sense of purpose.
And some people absolutely do.
But some of us walked away, looked back fondly at parts of it and thought:
Well. That was a chapter.
A really freaking long chapter.
But still a chapter.
What I DID warn my friend about wasn’t missing the military.
It was something much more sinister.
Civilians and their complete disregard for STRUCTURE.
Sweet baby Jesus.
THAT is going to get her.
Because after spending your adult life in an organization where everything has a process, an instruction, a chain of command, a suspense date and probably a form that hasn’t been updated since 1987…
Civilian life can feel like someone released a herd of cats into a conference room and said:
“Okay! Everybody just figure it out!”
Your kid’s school?
Why is nobody in charge of this?
A civilian job?
Who owns this process?
A volunteer organization?
WHY ARE SEVEN PEOPLE DOING THE SAME THING AND NOBODY IS DOING THE THING THAT ACTUALLY NEEDS TO BE DONE?!
And eventually you realize:
Oh.
There isn’t an AFI for this.
Nobody is going to publish one.
And apparently I’m expected to just…live like this.
So no, I don’t think it’s weird that my friend doesn’t miss the military.
And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with veterans who do.
Maybe retirement doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.
Some veterans proudly display every piece of their service.
Some stay deeply connected to the military community.
Some miss it every single day.
And some of us are incredibly proud of what we did…
and equally happy that we’re done doing it.
Both can be true.
Now, if someone could please publish an AFI for civilian life, that would be fantastic.
Because these people are just out here WINGING IT.
Until next time…xoxo
Tracy
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